Saturday, May 11, 2013

Struggle With Love Teaser!

I am startled awake by birds chirping around me. I blinked repeatedly, blinded by the sun. The porch swing I found myself on, floats in mid-air. The wind swung me softly back and forth, and I realized that I was once again in the middle of a dream.
A field full of color surrounded me. Neatly trimmed rose bushes discretely wound their way around the beautiful shade trees at the edge of this open arena. I jumped off the swing and landed gently onto perfectly cut grass the color of emerald. I allowed myself to relax into the scene before me, as I laid on the grass on my back and stared up into the bright blue sky. I let my mind create designs in the clouds and was instantly startled from my bliss by a voice.
"Are you enjoying what I have created for you, sweetheart?" Bristol asked. I shivered and turned to stare at the monster I loathed. His lips curled with a knowing smile. Seeing that smile should have terrified or angered me, but instead a warmth spread through my body. I watched him take a couple steps closer and then closed my eyes, hoping to mask my intrigue from him. "I can't ever get enough of watching you shine in the sun."
Butterflies bombarded my stomach by his words. Deep down I knew what I was feeling was wrong but I couldn't remember why. The swing wobbled as Bristol sat on the swing and patted the spot next to him. I stood up and immediately cursed my body for betraying me. I stared down at my hands as I sat down next to him. "Why am I here?"
Bristol caressed my cheek and I sighed. He then lifted my chin and stared into my eyes. "Would you rather be somewhere else?" He asked as he softly stroked my chin with his thumb.
I shook my head involuntarily as I stared into his dark eyes. I remembered the hate I once felt for these eyes, thinking they were dark and soulless, and now I could see that they were dark brown. I couldn't remember why I ever hated him. He was beautiful in his own way. His dark long hair was pulled back into a ponytail hanging down his back, high cheekbones made his smile stand out, along with his thin heart-shaped lips. Bristol leaned in towards me and softly placed those lips on mine. I sighed again and closed my eyes with pure joy that his kiss brought me. Behind my eyelids, a face with bright blue eyes and beautiful smile impressed itself into my mind. That vision took my breath away. I shook my head with an attempt to push it away. Every time I blinked those sparkling blue eyes stared back at me. Why was I having visions? Who was this man in my mind?

Monday, May 6, 2013


The world as I know it has changed. Everything I had been born into had vanished. People always said and suggested we would eventually be taken over, we just never thought it would be by our own kind. Speculations were always of little green men, but that wasn't the case. The government decided on it's own to implant themselves except one member. Governor Hodges Today, June 15, 2014 is the last day of our freedom. If I had known that before everything changed, I would've done so much more, said so much more to the people I care about. Maybe, if there had been some hint we would've been able to fight back, and none of this would've happened. But the what-ifs are no good, not anymore. We didn't know what was going to happen, we didn't have any time to prepare, and they are here. What made matters worse, was that these weren't random beings, but our own kind. We titled them as Humanoids. They were flesh, but a chip had been implanted in them to take away any sense of feeling. They didn't care what they did or what was being done to them. The army the government always hoped for. Willing members of society who didn't hesitate or second guess jumping on top of a live grenade, or shooting someone because they were told to. These 'people' don't ask questions when you tell them to jump they just do it. They are on a tight leash with a small group of government officials, I think it was more like a remote that they were being controlled with. Last I heard over one thousand people had been picked up and changed into a Humanoid. They said those people had made the decision to join on their own, yeah right. Who would choose this? Who would decide to get a chip placed into them and forgo your human emotions? The homeless, the ones who have lost their family, the government hopped at the opportunity to grab the ones who felt they had no purpose, and gave them a purpose- if you want to call it that.


The last time I was here, this planet had less inhabitants. That was so long ago. I had been placed in an area filled with lush green grass. I remember walking barefoot across the lands and enjoying the feel of the soft grass beneath my feet. There have been many changes since then and I am uncertain if enjoy them. Earth is too crowded now. Everywhere I turn I find people or building, some form of vehicle, and miles of pollution. It saddens me. I also can feel the emotions of this planet and there is no peace as it use to be. I am overwhelmed by a numerous amount of different feelings. This place is plagued by anger and hatred for each other. My Father did not create this place for it to fall apart, and in such a short time.
I sigh. Now I must wear shoes, because there is no telling what I could step on. I have been made flesh for this current task. My wings are masked and unseen by the human eye. Not that the humans would even notice something like that, they are so caught up in their own small view of the world. I use to be excited about the humans. They were interesting as they continuously developed new ways to live. They were all smart and creative, and now there is only a select few. I do not mean to be so down on the human race, in fact I love them. I as an Angel was born to watch over them, and I have watched them fail time and time again. I have seen them hurt each other over simple items and even kill one another with no apparent reason except hatred. Parents abusing their children, and vice versa. I hope often that it will all stop however, it continues endlessly, and my heart breaks all over again. On top of everything else, my species is caught in the crossfire. Darkness has found its way from the burning pits of Hell and now travel the streets of Earth unseen. Angels once fought the Demons and expelled them from Earth. This all happened before the humans existed, and now we must do it once again. In between these battles we were known as gentle. My race use to bring happiness and joy to the hearts of each human, but now speaking of us only brings fear. I never believed it would become so dark for our species. I had many hopes that one day all differences between the species would unite. I hoped that they would not fear or hate each other, but I was naive and that hope has vanished. Now we fight against each other, never able to compromise or live amongst each other. Most Demons only wish to cause harm to Angels and to humans. I prayed to my Father that one day someone would come along and dis-spell the notion of evil. I wished that this being would understand that we aren't here to bring the end of the Earth, but help it last.
I know deep down humans will speak our names once again with peace in their hearts and the unity between all races will grow strong again. Humans, Demons, and Angels will one day be joined as one. It was written so long ago, that a war would be ended by one who is born of many races. A female who will bring forth unification among all. Her name was placed among the stars many years ago, she is our one true hope. Danielle was the name whispered to us throughout the clouds. Those of us who still believe, await her arrival to this day.
Although, I never assumed I would love her. I never visioned I would fall for her. She is the princess of the Angels and goddess of the Demons- grown and taught by humans. This one girl brought light to my darkness. I have hidden my feelings for so many years as a warrior of the Gods, and she brought the life back in me.


Addiction...a persistent, compulsive dependence on a behavior or substance. It has been proven that it is possible to be addicted to someone. Does anyone really believe that? The insistent need or want to be with someone fills every one of the senses, controls every thought. There is nothing else around, but that one soul.
Their smell fills the nostrils even when they aren't near. Sleeping doesn't even bring true rest, because the subconscious is consumed by them.
But what does it mean when the two people have never met? How can that even be possible? One random day a name pops into my head, a beautiful image shows itself into my mind, and a deep seeded need controls the beat of my heart. Brightness covered my normally darkened vision, and a pulse produced rapid steady beats to my typically undead heart. How a stranger could bring so many emotions to a non-human being, I will never understand. There was a light in her that I had never seen. Something so bright that it burned my insides, and yet I yearned for the pain. Call me a masochist, call me insane, I don't care what I'm called; all I knew was that I wanted her for my own.
The question I had for myself was: Did I only want to steal her light? Was I more concerned of the taste of her blood? Would the light make the blood sweeter? Or was she someone that could bring my lost soul to the surface? I had no answers. I only know that I became obsessed with this goddess. I wanted to bow down before her, kiss every inch of her body, and drink from her. I would beg for it all, which wasn't like me at all. I didn't care. I wanted her to be mine. Danielle, that was her name, and I knew right from the beginning that I would lay down life for her.
I have one million thoughts running through my head...that's right one million! Some are just starters, future ideas, and I a couple that I can write on. I have more starters than anything and it's driving me crazy. I just want to be able to sit and go and write...but I can't...Maybe it'll hit me soon...
I took a deep breath in. His own breath colliding with mine. It tickled my nose. How did we get into this position? How did he end up so close to me? Last I remembered we were standing awkwardly apart. We were staring off in different directions and I literally twirled my thumbs. Now, we were so close to each other. His body was flush against mine as he had me pinned against the wall. A few hours ago, I didn't even know I wanted him, but we had sat and talked. That was what lead us here. He could talk, he could open up, and he let me in. His eyes darkened as the tension grew between us. My chest heaved with anticipation. His words were intoxicating, his deep voice was sultry, and those eyes- oh god those eyes. I couldn't catch my breath. I wanted him. My heart sped up with the multiple thoughts running through my mind. His sweet breath caressed my ear, and that was when I realized he was laying his head on my shoulder in a hug. When was the last time someone had hugged me? I couldn't answer that. I expected more, but in this moment a hug was the most amazing thing I had felt in a long time. His arms wrapped around me and a deep sigh escaped his lips. He had shared so much with me and I could literally see his shoulders drop from the release. Thank you, was all he kept whispering in my ear. I wrapped one arm around him, bringing him closer to me. The other hand traveled to his hair, where I slowly began to glide my fingers through his dark strands. My fingers slid down to his temples, and then down his cheek. I felt wetness there and when he looked up at me I saw one single tear sliding down his cheek. He had been holding in so much. How could someone hold so much sadness and anger in them? He had never spoken these words to another soul and yet he told me everything in detail. I pulled his face up to mine, so that we were eye-to-eye, and smiled softly at him. In that moment everything transferred through us. Happiness for a new friend, joy to find someone to express ourselves to, and a fire I had never felt before. Our lips met slowly and softly. I was eager for more, but this was heaven in the moment. I never wanted this to stop. His lips slid down to my neck and low whimper escaped from my mouth. He chuckled softly and nuzzled deeper into the crook of my neck. One hand held my wrists above my head as the other felt its way around my body. My whimper turned to whine and from there I groaned loudly with hot desire. We turned and now his back was up against the brick wall and I could see muscles ripple from underneath his shirt. He yanked on the curls hanging down my back and tilted my head back and continued to seduce my neck. My body and I wanted more. I pulled him from the wall and made our way to the bed. A low deep husky growl vibrated through me as he realized where we were going. I didn't want this to stop. He had let me in and I wanted to do the same.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Deep inside me something is lost
Something is forgotten
There are moments when I remember
And then quickly they are gone.

There used to be a fire
Something to drive me
And now a mere flame sits
A simple glow arises.

I used to soar above the clouds
And now come to think of it
I haven't seen a blue sky in days
Where did it go?

I stand upright daily
I breathe in and out
I awake each morning
They say I'm alive, but am I living?

Monday, April 15, 2013

Struggle With Love

Struggle With Love - the sequel to the With Love series is due to come out in late May to early June.
I know it has been kicked back many times but the edits are going by smoothly at this point and we are getting closer to the end. I want it to absolutely perfect and I want you to enjoy it :) I have a small feeling that you may hate me at the end hehe but overall the story line is coming along great! The beginning of the third and final book has begun, but won't be out until 2014.
I just wanted to let you all know, I'm still here working hardt rying to get this book out for you all! :)
Thank you for being so patient!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm Baaaaack: The reason why I was gone so long...

Hey all! I've been gone a while...I found out I was pregnant and have been missing ever since. It was a hectic ride! It started out so normal and easy and then gradually began to get harder. Aches and pains kicked in that wouldn't go away. A back pain that kept me up all night every night and there was no way to ease it, plus my hands, feet, ankles, and calves were extremely swollen. I mean I pushed my finger into any of those spots and you could leave craters in my skin! Soon after that at 33 weeks pregnant my blood pressure sky rocketed without me knowing. I called into the doctor to find some way to ease the stoooopid back pain and went in figuring that all they would tell me is that "Hey you're short and you have no torso deal with it." Which is true. But instead I walked in like any other visit and waited for my name to be called. When I walked in they weighed me like normal, except I had gained 5lbs or so in less than two weeks, which was not normal. Then they took me back to the room where they took my blood pressure like normal, only it was 190/110 and very scary high. So they made me lie on my side for about 20mins and came back to find that it was still high, not only that but for the first time there had been protein in my urine sample. All very bad signs. By that point I was nervous. The baby was fine except that his head was bigger than the rest of his body which was showing that he was not getting all the nutrients like he was suppose to because my body was shutting down. So after a sonogram, I get sent to the hospital...well pushed in a wheelchair to the hospital (which scared me even more...why didn't they want me to walk?) I was told that I would just be there for a couple hours for them to keep track of my blood pressure and would most likely be sent home on modified bed rest and to do a 24 hour urine test. But blood pressure wouldn't go down, and I ended up staying the night. Throughout the night I was woken up almost every hour to take medicine, to get checked, to get blood drawn, and at one point I was put on an IV of Magnesium. My blood pressure had become so high and wasn't going down that it was possible I could have seizures. By the next morning at 7am I was woken up by the doctor to let me know that I better call my husband to come to the hospital immediately because it was possible I would be delivering the baby that day. They kept track of my liver enzymes, my platelets, and blood pressure. By the mid afternoon I was told I WOULD be delivering that day. My blood pressure still wasn't going down, my platelets were dropping (which they were so low that the doctors were nervous about my blood not being able to clot of they didn't do an emergency C-section right then and there), and my liver enzymes for the first time had changed in the wrong direction. I was dropping fast. And everything flew by. Again I had gone in for something so simple and by the next day I was delivering my baby. My 33week old baby that didn't have a chance to get the 2 steroid shots to help his lungs, my baby that was about to have to be torn from his safe healthy home. All because I couldn't hold him in there anymore! I understand overall this isn't my fault, but when you hear the baby is healthy but its his home that is falling apart...I'm his home and I was falling apart! Because of me he had to come out. I had Preeclampsia at first which triggered into HELLP Syndrome, which I didn't find out until I was in recovery. HELLP Syndrome is a life threatening issue. Great! Not only did I have my baby ripped from me too quickly which was the most terrifying part...he might not have survived. But then on top of that I could've died as well. I can't really explain the emotions I have felt since then. I went home in 4 days but my baby stayed all alone in the NICU for 2 weeks. My wonderful mom drove me every day to visit for a few hours, to feed and be as much of a mom as I could be as my baby struggled and fought each to day to live. He is my little hero, and a true fighter. I look up to him even still for being as amazing as he is. We went through a lot together and both have healed and are recovering well! I always wondered if I would feel that crazy emotion that everyone talks about the first time you hear, see, and hold your baby. If we would bond and if I would be in love with him instantly. I worried I wouldn't have that motherly instinct and would falter in being what he needs. Especially with the way he was taken from me. But my fears were quickly forgotten when I was able to hear that first most adorable and strong cry from my angel! I fell in love instantly and couldn't believe how beautiful he sounded. It was 2 days before I was able to see him, which was torture that only people who have gone through this would understand. Everyone else was able to go in and see him, but I had to wait. I got to hear about how beautiful he was, how healthy he looked, and how special he was. Of course he is! But that didn't change the fact that I was stuck in bed for 2 days not being able to even catch a glimpse of the little human I had been bonding with for 8months. The little baby I had growing inside me. He was born at 4lbs 10oz, dropped down 4lbs 3oz, and when he left he was nearly 5lbs. He was born on 12/5 at 4:31pm and he was a wiggle worm from the very get go. He took out his own CPAP and stayed off of it and left in 2 weeks instead of the 6 they expected. He is now at home, a little over 8lbs, and my pride and joy. There again are no words to express my love for him, and no way I could ever express it. He makes me smile and makes me stronger. My heart has grown and I can't even remember what life was without him. No matter what we went through we survived, and fought to be together, and now we will be together forever!! I look forward to the future but am definitely enjoying having my baby!!