Thursday, October 27, 2011

BONDED WITH LOVE: Chapter 1 The Voice

Chapter 1
My heart reminded me to breathe when it slammed against my chest, threatening to break free. The sidewalk that offered me a way out of the Texas heat was only a few steps away, but even that was too far away for my shaky legs and nauseous stomach. I forced myself to pathetically lean against a tree for balance. The violent throbbing caused beads of sweat to trickle down my forehead, forming a damp trail to my neck. I could barely stand- let alone walk. What the hell was wrong with me?
I snapped back to reality when Cecile grabbed my shoulders. I stared into her honey-brown eyes which full with concern. “Rena what's wrong? Are you okay?” What was wrong with me?
Cecile Christine Richards, my best friend since kindergarten. It all started when we joined forces to conquer the playground against all boys. She became like a sister to me and still is the closest thing I have to family.
My voice was unsure. “I don't know, maybe the heat?” I swallowed audibly. “I'm sorry I worried you.” Giving a half grin and shrugging, I brushed away strands of my chestnut-brown hair from my shoulders then pushed off of the tree and led the way from the grounds to school.
We made our way to first period which helped to calm me after the strange morning. Cecile and I shared most of our senior classes. English was one of them.
Cecile and I lived together off of the money my parent's life insurance left me, on top of a large savings account started for my college career. My mom made sure a long time ago that I would be set for a while if anything were to happen to them. The savings hadn't been touched yet, hoping one day I would be able to figure out exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. Plus I wanted to leave this town and start a new life for myself.
Cecile’s parents didn’t keep track of her. She never had the best home life, with an alcoholic father, and a mother too caught up in herself- they didn’t seem to care whether she stayed or left. When my world got twisted upside down she left them and stayed with me.
I whispered to her, “lucky you, getting to spend extra time with me.”
Uh, no, I'm thinking more lucky you than me.” Cecile laughed loudly at her own lame comeback.
Yeah, yeah. Did you finish the weekend reading?”
Cecile shook her head. “I got halfway through, but was bored to tears, so I went shopping for some new shoes instead.”
The final bell rang, signaling the start of class. Mrs. Dawson pulled down the projector screen and the beginning credits of Beastly, a new age take on Beauty and the Beast, rolled across the TV. My mind wandered into the main characters'. With true love's kiss, a curse being broken and a happy ending, I found myself not caring if I ended up being the beast or the unsuspecting girl. I wanted my happily ever after, like I'd read about all my life.
              She is here.
The whisper made the hairs on my arms stand at attention. I surveyed the room closely, assuming I was hearing things. I shrugged it off and gave all of my focus to the movie.
           Oh god she is here. It has been so long.
My thoughts paused for the whisper that startled me once again. I took my time to look around at each student. Few eyes were glued to the movie, others stayed closed as their owners napped. Not knowing where the whisper came from, I thought of all possibilities the words could mean, but that stopped when it hit me again.
My breath caught in my throat, icy chills filled every limb of my body, and beads of sweat formed on my brow. Breath wheezed its way out, barely crawling past my lips. Gurgling noises bubbled from my throat. What was this? Am I choking? Having a panic attack? Am I dying? Breathe, I told myself. I only needed to breathe.
Mrs. Dawson paused the movie and everyone turned in their seats. Even the nappers woke to gawk at me while I inhaled loudly. Unable to escape awkward stares from my peers, I gasped for air and filled my lungs up once again.
No one said a word, they all peered at me until Mrs. Dawson started to walk toward me. “Rena, are you alright dear?”
Cecile turned to me, her eyes watched my every move.
Coughing, I answered, “no ma'am. I think I'm coming down with something. Can I go to the nurse's office?”
She nodded her teacher nod. “Of course. I'll write you out a pass.”
Hearing small murmurs from the other kids, I mashed my books into my backpack. Then took the pass for the nurse's office and fled from the room, hoping Cecile would come find me.
Lying in the dark cave-like nurse's office helped.
I dozed off, and an image snuggled behind my eyelids. The vision showed spiked raven hair bristling through my thoughts. Glowing blue eyes stared through me, not focused on anything in particular, only staring. The image didn't scare me, I knew in my head that it was a dream, and it was better than my embarrassing episode in Mrs. Dawson’s class.
I continued to enjoy my sneak peak. Like looking through a video camera, the scene panned out and I could see more of him. His full lips turned up into a grin and swirls of emotions swam through my body at his gorgeous features. I had the urge to reach up and stroke his beautiful face, so I did. Slowly lifting my hand to brush my finger across his soft looking skin, a knocking at the door startled me. I opened my eyes and sat up, cheeks flustered.
Cecile came in with a tray of food in her hands. “I brought you lunch in bed.” Her voice enthusiastically squeaked.
Aw thanks. You didn't have to.” I scooted up into a sitting position.
Uh, yeah I did. You're sick. Plus it gave me a reason to get away from asshole Jackson.” She sat down on a chair by my bed.
Jackson was Cecile's ex and a complete douche. He had more than one opportunity to prove that he could be a good guy, but he failed miserably every time.
Douche. Sorry I wasn't there to keep watch for ya.”
Cecile chuckled. “No problemo. I was able to dodge him and get away.”
Typically I stayed quiet and really only spent time with Cecile. I've always been like that, but it became worse after the accident.
A little over a year ago, I had been in the car with my parents, when a car swerved over to our lane. My parents drove the speed limit but this guy had been going around eighty. He hit us straight on-I was the only to survive.
I had a hard time bonding anymore, out of fear of losing anyone else. But when it came to screwy Jackson and the sadness that still showed in Cecile's eyes, I opened my mouth and let him know where to stick his stupid apologies.
Her eyes looked so sad, I changed the topic. “What the hell is wrong with me, C? Am I losing my mind or something? I’ve never had headaches this bad. It’s like a hangover from hell, except the fact that I didn’t drink anything.”
You freaked me out. I thought you might pass out or choke to death or something. Are you feeling okay now?”
Yeah, my head feels a little better, but all the nurse could give me was one lousy Tylenol- dumb-ass. Like I’m really going to OD on Tylenol. Well, thank god you’re here. Now we can go.”
Oh, that sucks. You should've come and gotten the keys from me. I have to stay for cheerleading practice tonight.” She fished the keys from her purse. “Here you go, if you still feel sick later just text me and I'll get someone to take me home.”
Works for me. Thanks C.”
No problem Ren. I'm going to head out. Get some rest okay?” She patted my shoulder and gave one last glance before she closed the door behind her.
Grabbing my sunglasses and making sure the keys were in my purse, I ventured outside and made my way to her purple VW Bug. I was glad we’d snagged our parking spot closer to school this morning. I had a feeling it worked out that way so Cecile could park next to her new crush. I didn't complain since I didn't have to walk a mile through the parking lot this time.
Climbing into the bug, I felt like whatever had hit me before was gone, so I decided to head to the book store. There is always a reason to go book shopping, it makes everything better.
I pulled into the parking lot of Books on the Square, Granbury's local book store, and headed inside to do some damage to my bank account. I felt like being generous to myself after the craziness I went through this morning.
The bell above the door jingled as I walked into the building, and the smells of new and old books wafted their way through my nostrils. This was heaven. I perused through the aisles finding all the new supernatural and fantasy ones. I thought about the large pile at home waiting to be read. It was about to get larger.
I made my way toward the counter to pay, when the pounding headache found its way back. Immediately following, nausea clenched my stomach causing a few gags to gurgle out of my throat. I couldn't catch my breath and my heart jabbed against my rib cage.
Trying to walk, to find somewhere to sit, I fell and took all of the books with me to the floor.
When my eyes opened, darkness surrounded me. One tiny light peaked from behind the black drapes. Fear tightened its grip on my stomach.
I stood on legs of jello and made my way toward the light, hoping it would wake me from this odd dream. I stumbled across the dark path, and a figure draped in night stood before me. A yelp escaped from my lips. I tried to get away, but his sparkling blue eyes locked me in place. His midnight hair spiked to a perfect point, and he watched me with pursed lips. His toned body towered over me.
His eyes danced along each portion of my body and I felt naked standing unguarded in front of him. In his eyes there wasn't desire but a longing, and I understood. I couldn't move, and didn't want to. For the briefest of seconds we stared at each other.
Then he took a step forward. With that one step, his body was drenched in light head to toe. I could see every detail. With that one minor step forward his whole appearance had changed. He went from being a dark seductive stranger, to a hideous foul beast. His blue eyes changed to a deep shade of red like blood coated them. His lips once so full and lush, were now pulled back into a sneer as large protruding fangs slid from his gums.
I screamed and looked around for an escape, but where do you run to in the dream world?
His hand clenched against my shoulder. He spun me around and brought my back against his tight chest. Hard stiff hands pulled my head to a tilt. I felt hot steamy breath against the crevice of my neck. Sobbing, I tried to break free from his grasp. Hoping that death in a dream was only that, but this dream seemed so real, so alive; I didn't know what to expect.
Thrashing about I felt more hands on my shoulders, and I tried to fight back. When my eyes opened, the room was bathed in beautiful luminescence. I found myself back in the book store.
What the...” What was that? I felt relieved to be back in the real world. That dream was frightening. So real. I could feel his hands still on his body. His hot breath stuck to my neck even in the living world.
Now, the hands that held onto me now were the saleswoman's. Cecile, surprisingly, sat with me on the floor.
She held my head in her lap and hovered above my face. “Ren, are you okay?”
I blinked repeatedly.
The saleswoman leaned over where I laid. “I checked your phone miss, sorry, I just looked for the last person you talked to. Oh and I also called 9-1-1. I didn't know what was going on, but I'm definitely not certified for anything but CPR.”
No, no, it's fine. Thank you, but I'm fine. I just need to get home and rest. How did you get here C?” I asked huskily.
Mason from English class brought me.” Her large eyes were even wider now with fear.
I'm fine Cecile, really. It's only been a few minutes.”
Ugh, no, you've been out for at least fifteen minutes. I made sure Mason sped over here.”
A bonus about living in a small town, it only took about five minutes to get anywhere. Plus the high school sat next door to the bookstore.
I started hearing distant sirens of the ambulance, on its way to check up on me. I hoped if I stood up and acted normal, they would go away. Raising myself off of Cecile's lap, my head rushed with blood but I forced myself to stand.
Hey the ambulance is almost here, I don't think you should get up.” The saleswoman put her hand on my shoulder.
I caught sight of her name tag. “Darla, I'm fine. I just need to go home and relax. C, will you please take me home? Seriously I'm better.” I did a little jig in the middle of the aisle, only to prove I could without toppling over, but the dizziness lingered. The room began to spin and I quickly regretted moving at all.
Okay fine Ren, I will take you home, but I will be on your butt in two seconds if I sense even one thing wrong with you. Got it?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah got it.” Turning, I said, “thanks for your help Darla, and so sorry for the scare. I'll let them do their check-up before we go home.”
She nodded.
I begrudgingly waited to get checked on by the paramedics, and once they gave me a clean bill of health we headed home.
I had hoped for a little more from my senior year, but this pushed limits.
* * * * * * * * *
Rena come on. We're late.” The last one out the door as always, I grabbed a strawberry pop-tart and bolted to Cecile's bug.
She peeled out of the driveway and flew at a speed that caused the purple bug to growl in protest.
Trying to mentally wake up, I made an unintelligible comment. “I slept in, sorry.” “S'kay, no big. I had told Mason and Jen we would meet them by the fountain.”
“Oh, who's Jen? And why are we meeting them?”
“We need to decide on our presentation for Mrs. Dawson's class, and they offered to be paired up with us. Most likely thanks to your super brainpower.”
Rolling my eyes, I mumbled, “oh okay. Sorry again. I had a rough night.”
“Is it the headaches? Or are you still having those nightmares?”
“Its nightmares. The headaches haven't come back since yesterday morning.”
“Wanna talk about it?” she asked.
It's all the same stuff. Just the same awful scenes, C.” Tears stung the corners of my eyes, replaying the images from last night's nightmare.
We stopped at a red light and she turned to look at me.
I tried to blink away the tears starting to pool around the edges of my eyes. “I had hoped they would go away, but my counselor said they wouldn't for a while. She said the guilt I feel definitely isn't helping.”
“Ren, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I've told you that, everyone has. It wasn't your fault at all.”
But I was the only one, Cecile. I must have done something different to still be alive and for them to be dead. If I would've known what kept me alive, I could have warned my family.”
She shook her head. “It was that son-of-a-bitch, the one that fell asleep at the wheel, who did this to you and your parents. It wasn't your fault.”
“I guess. Maybe that's why I'm still having nightmares. I can't get my mind to wrap around it, only around what I could have done to prevent it.” The pooling tears spilled over. I couldn't stop them. No one could say anything to make me feel any different.
Cecile wiped at her eyes too. The memories were fresh in my mind.
Dark clouds puckered with rain above us. Splashes of raindrops covered the windshield, with the weather on the verge of becoming Spring. Driving home from an aunt's house, my parents sat in the front seats singing a duet of some lame rock song. I watched an alien crash through New York in the movie playing on the DVD player. Out of nowhere blinding beams of light shot through the car, followed by the sound of squealing tires exploding all around us. Mom screamed.  
I passed out and then woke lying in a hospital bed, alone. One leg simply bandaged, the other in a cast and throbbing with pain. It felt like hours until a doctor finally stopped by to do a basic check-up. She also broke the devastating news; my family was dead.
“We're here.” Cecile's words brought me back. The sun shone brightly in the sky. We marched through the grassy fields covering the front of school. The heat showed its strength early this morning, flexing its muscles by throwing large amounts of dry hot wind in our faces.
We made our way toward the fountain to meet Mason and Jen, and Cecile explained why we had parked in a different spot this week. “Okay, so I've met someone new.”
“I figured that was the reason we parked so close now. Not that I'm complaining. Who is he?”
“His name is Drake, he's absolutely stunning. Bronze hair that he fixes into that messy-just-got-outta-bed look, you know what I'm talking about?”
“Uh-huh, like every other guy in this school. Is he a senior?”
“I think so.”
“Where'd he come from?”
“Dunno. But he's got amazing gray eyes, and he's tall. Plus he has a hot body.” I could practically hear the slobber dripping from her lips. “And he drives that completely hot looking blue mustang.”
“Have y'all talked?”
“Nope, but I'm working on it. I have all these awesome plans on how to catch his attention.”
“Oh this should be good. So what are your 'awesome' plans?” Without intending to, sarcasm jumped from my mouth.
She ignored it. “Okay, so what if I try the bend and snap?”
”That's from Legally Blonde.”
“So? It worked for that one lady.”
“As long as you can control your snap.” I stifled a giggle,as she continued.
“What if I knock my pen off the corner of the desk in class as he walks by, and then when he hands it to me we stare lovingly into each others eyes?”
“Seriously? That's Clueless. You better hope he doesn't turn out gay for your sake. Don't you have any of your own material?”
“That's it. That's all I got.” She had stopped walking, and now stared at me with her arms crossed, a pout forming on her lips. “What do you suggest then, miss smart-ass?”
“I would go with 'Hi', or even 'Hello'. I know it seems strange and less cheesy but lots of guys fall for it.” I laughed hard.
“Oh whatever. Hey there's Mason and Jen.” She waved and jogged toward our friends.
Trying to keep up with her, I made it halfway when I felt it all over again. The headache was back at full force.
“Not again...” I squeaked, before chills broke through my entire system.
I immediately felt an arm wrapped around me from behind as I drifted to the ground. My body was brought down slowly and my head laid comfortably on someone's legs. The smell of pine trees filled my nostrils. I was mildly aware of talking going on around me. My vision blurred and I tried to clear it up by blinking, but it didn't work. A fog covered my sight but a voice rang clear as a bell in my head.
Soft, yet masculine. It whispered so close to my ear. “Oh my love, I have waited so long for you.”
The voice sounded familiar. “Wh...who are you?” Fear crept through me, but I was too weak to do anything except lay there.
“Do not fear dear one. I will take care of you.” The strange whisper shimmered through my mind.
A cup touched my lips. My dry throat screamed for whatever liquid filled it. Weakness filled me and I lay too disoriented to object. A fruity scent drifted toward me, causing my mouth to water and I drank the sweet flavored juice that spilled into my mouth.
You will feel better once you drink.” The voice whispered once again.
The arm around me tightened. The juice stopped flowing and the cup pulled from my lips.
In seconds, the fog had lifted and my vision cleared. A face bent over me and I found myself staring into a pair of sparkling blue eyes.

dark and dreary

Dark and dreary is the day
Clouds crying with rain.
I wish to walk in it, or even dance!
They fall and bring me to a trance
The droplets trickle to the ground
Creating such a soothing sound.
Bring your brothers and sisters rain
Let them wash away our sorrow and pain.
Let them clear away every dreadful thought
And fill our minds with a peaceful lot
You have hid from us for far too long
You coming here is where you shall stay, it is where you belong
So forget about the aches and the pains
Here comes the soothing droplets of rain!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

If you are reading this...

Please remember I am an author. I write every day and my mind carries many thoughts. The creepier posts on here is only my mind coming up with something new.
Other posts that seem more lively are my daily life...if I need to clarify those please let me know...There are just some moments things pop into my head(as my mom would say) and I HAVE to write them down or they stick for a long time...or they just vanish...and as an author I can't let them Vanish---that hurts my poor little writer's heart---so I put them hear for me to remember and for you to read. Leave a comment. and enjoy.
Anyway...thanks for reading :D

So peaceful...

a step, followed by a creak.
I never thought it would get so complicated. First you love me, now you don't. You yo-yo'd my emotions and now I have no clue how to feel. Besides I want you dead. I want you to suffer like you have made me. I want you to feel humiliated and dumbfounded. I want tears to fill your eyes like mine often did. I also don't want any one else to get the chance to love you. It wouldn't be fair, since from the very beginning you said it would be just you and me. So no one else fits in the equation.
one more step and I will be close enough.
Now you lay in bed asleep and I have made it to your side. But what's this I find? A blonde...half-naked...lying in my spot?? Three is a crowd. I thought you said you only liked brunettes? You said you were just hanging with the guys tonight. Unless she is a he this whole scenario doesn't fit what you told me. Were you lying? Why would you do that?
gloves in place. pillow at my side.
I never thought I would feel this way for someone. So when you came along and swept me off my feet I was elated. It was finally happening to me. I got to see it all around me but it never actually happened to me. And there you were. So handsome. And now look at what you have done.
don't like guns so I brought a knife. a pillow to silence your screams.
Thank you for adding a new victim to my list. but I can't decide if I get her first so I can see the shock on your face to find out who has been doing it this whole time. Who has been ending your love affairs so you would come crawling back to me?
or do I kill you first and let the blonde watch? that probably wouldn't be as much fun since she doesn't know who I am.
I bet she doesn't realize that you're married. and with kids at home sleeping.
but I can be silent can be deadly and you won't ruin the life I have started.
Yes killing the bimbo first sounds fun. guarantee that the date rape pill you slipped into her drink hasn't completely wore off yet so she won't make too many noises...but yet the mickey I slipped into your drink I bet isn't completely worn out either.
will be nice and easy to get you both for trying to ruin my family when you can't move.
well killing her was easy. she didn't even open her eyes. made a few gurgling noises and that was it. A final gust of air evaporated from her lungs and then gone. She was just dead.
I moved over to you, but you were still sound asleep. you didn't move a muscle, didn't peek, didn't even snore. So I drug her body out of the room cleaned up the little mess I had made...I've been practicing...and disposed of her body. Then snuck out of the room, went back to our house, back to our kids, climbed into bed and nodded off.
I woke to find you next to me breathing in my ear and saw the same handsome face I had seen so many years ago. I love you you know? that's why I do this. Well maybe next time you will wake up and I won't feel like a yo-yo any more. but this time I'll let you sleep. You just look so peaceful. I couldn't possibly disturb you because of my jealousy issues.
I just love you so much. I'm sure you'll stop soon. I believe in you, and I believe in us.

List of Fave Authors

This is my list of Fave Authors...the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Stephenie Meyer "Twilight" - "Host"

Richelle Mead "Vampire Academy"

Rachel Caine "Morganville Vampires"

Melissa Marr "Wicked Lovely"

Cassandra Clare "Mortal Instruments"

Lisa Desrochers "Personal Demons"

AM Robinson "Vampire Crush"

Cate Tiernan "Sweep" - "Immortal Beloved"

Josephine Angelini "Star Crossed"

Tessa Gratton "Blood Magic"

P.C. Cast "House of Night"

Lesley Livingston "Wonderous Strange"

There may be a few that I'm missing. But definitely recommend any and all of these authors with their great works and an ability to be able to take you to a completely different world. These authors have a talent that I look up to. Try them out, I'm positive you will enjoy their writing as much as I did!

I think...

I think I will start blogging about books I'm reading as well. I read a why not post it right?
As of right now I am 118 pages in in a book called "Sunshine" by Robin McKinley. The beginning started slow, but picked up rather quickly. I am loving the MC because she is straight forward and sarcastic. She tells it how it is and I like that. It started to slow again as the character tries to be normal, but now where I'm at it is jumping back into some mild action. It's definitely different than most vampire books and I like that.
Will be back in a few days when I finish it.


I have completely edited up to Chapter 12. I know I will still need to go and re-read it to make sure it all makes sense but as of right now it's looking good.
I'm thinking about posting a chapter on here to see what the take is on the story...what do you think?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

12:00 am

I'm in the mood to write. Obviously...I have completed Chapter 10 edits and started on Chapter 11. I am thinking the novel will overall have 18 chapters but be close to 400pgs.
I'm excited to finish it.
I'm still debating on E-pub or stick with agents...I'll figure it out.
I hope to get it started and hopefully next year be able to only write...I have so many ideas already started...
Okay I'm going to go to bed or I won't want to wake up in the morning.


So recently I got into a facebook discussion with a family member about religion. We don't see eye to eye and that is fine--- but I do have a mind of my own now. Before- when I was a kid I would listen and agree- smile and nod. I didn't care back then. Now however I care. The last church I was at made me feel awful for everything wrong thing I did, like I was for sure going to hell for driving over the speed limit. But my views have changed. I learned from that experience and don't believe this is the case. We were born to make mistakes. Born to be different to not all think the same, or feel the same. So for me saying "sorry I disagree" wasn't meant to be disrespectful it just means "hey I think different than you." the greater being that made us, created my head different than yours. That's all.
But let me just throw this out there....
If Gays- Lesbians- are not meant to be...that they are planned to go straight to hell. Why would a greater being create someone only to condemn them? Yes! People are born that way. It is scientifically proven...some brains come out re-wired. They feel trapped in their own bodies- don't believe me? google it- take a psychology class. Its out there. Again if you don't agree- what about that little boy who enjoys wearing high heels? dressing in women's clothing? a little girl that feels comfortable as one of the guys? or just never feels comfortable with guys?- anyway...after you have gotten through that part.
If that boy or girl is born this way--- why would the greater being condemn them to the fiery pits right off the bat? -- I've heard that their goal in life is to learn to forget about it---so you want them to go against their grain? to not allow themselves to find happiness? that doesn't sound right. I don't think the creator would agree either.
I feel that the bible was written so long ago by many different people, and nowadays are so different from back then. Its hard to interpret it correctly. Also- The words written in that book are read by many different eyes and heard by different many ears---remember our minds are different.
So that Bright Blue shirt you say you have on---I see it as green... who is right??? How do you know for sure??? Which one of us is color-blind???
Let me know...

Monday, October 24, 2011


A thirst for blood so strong and controlling. The need to feed on the brain every day all day. Trying to stop once the fangs has slid into flesh. Sleeping. Burning. Dying. Waking up yearning for the red syrup. Finding the sun to be bothersome. Painful canines digging through the gums each time pumping veins are visible. Blemish free. An ability to run faster. It's a way to escape to feel like flying and being free without leaving the ground or having wings. Being alone. Leaving humans behind. A darkness growing from deep within. Anger and sadness lonliness and emptiness. That is all that is felt.
Are we real? Will you ever know the truth?
Probably not. But we will always be around...

I'm Married!!!!

So all the stress of the wedding is over, which is nice! But the actual day went by way too fast! It shoukd be a week long event after a year of planning! But it was all absolutely perfect! Soooo beautiful! And I'm sooo excited to be married and a wife!
The cruise was Amazing!!!! Soooo relaxing and to not have to worry about time or money was fantastic! I wish we were still there! It was the best Honeymoon ever!!! Thank you to my wonderful parents for the perfect wedding and to my spectacular in-laws for the bestest honeymoon!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

4 Days!!!!

My wedding is here in 4 days!!!!!! I have never known stress until now...but it's worth it. Great stress to know I will become the wife of an amazin g man. Someone I never thought I would meet, and now I have and he wants me. He loves me for me, and that is amazing. With all my flaws and quirks and dorkiness and addiction to writing to the point that most of my time is spent on it and yet he loves me. I can't wait for the day to be here!!!!
I'll post pix later!!!!! :-)

i walked away...

I walked away. just turned and walked away. i should've said goodbye. i love you. i'm going to miss you. even thrown out some questions. why? was i not good enough? did you want more? i could've given more. i would've given more...for you.
instead i walked away. quickly slid into the drivers side of my car, slammed the door in your sad face without shedding a tear, and drove away.
you had been it. my only. my one. i thought my life had ended and begun with you, apparently i had been wrong.
after all of that it had been the smarter thing to do. after what i have learned about who'd you become, and what or who you initially ended up with- i had been right. i second guessed myself for years. wishing and dreaming that i would get to talk to you again, but i'm glad i didn't. i'm glad that you gave up on me and on us. you weren't mr. right. you were just the beginning. and i am okay with it. thankful now that all i did was walk away...